Muslim Girl Weekly Wrap-Up: Top Stories That Are on Our Minds

This year is rather eventful. I mean, we are only 23 days into 2024, and on behalf of the entire earth, we are getting ourselves into a huge catastrophe that might as well bring about the end of us with how things are going worldwide at the moment. To keep up with the current hot topics and urgent humanitarian issues across the globe, I am here to announce that we are bringing back the OG #MuslimGirlProbs roundup into our editorial in a new light with our Muslim Girl weekly roundup “Wrapped.” (Of course, while we still can before the entire planet falls into the abyss with a sudden pseudo-World War III or something, you know.)

Just a quick refresher, #MuslimGirlProbs roundup is, Amani said and I quote, “a weekly roundup of headlines, stories, events, or situations that could not possibly deserve a better response from Muslim women than ‘SMH.’”

But the world has changed, right? We are no longer just sitting here giving out bombastic side-eyes and eye-rolls. Since we are progressing as human beings — pretty much backward at this point, our newest edition, #MuslimGirlWrapped, is here to tap into conversations that make us want to slam, slap, and smack our phone screens as we reiterate our mantra, “Relax. My hijab is too expensive for it to be ripped off over this.” (At least until some good news comes our way.)

Well, here is a list of news stories that have been on our minds this week.

“Netanyahu publicly rejects US push for Palestinian state”

Prime Minister of the Genocidal State of Apartheid, it goes without saying, and it comes as no surprise. Your numbers speak for themselves.

“Major poll gives Trump 16-point lead in New Hampshire days before primary”

Look, we are still waiting to see whether the Supreme Court will declare Trump eligible to run for the Colorado Primary on February 8, 2024. But imagine getting rid of Butcher Biden to get back to Ban Trump?

“Heritage Foundation head defends Trump, scolds ‘elites’ at World Economic Forum: ‘You’re part of the problem’”

With all due respect, it should be us saying this. I mean, no offense but almost all people with massive power are part of so many problems out there in almost every country around the world.

“Biden has forgiven billions in student loans, but his allies say voters aren’t giving him enough credit”

So you are finally paying attention to the sufferings of young Americans! But is it a coincidence that we are in the midst of election time? I mean, it is kind of weird, right? Because I trust Biden has always cared about students not being burdened more than they should. But, there are some words spread here and there by the Center for Information & Research on Civic Learning and Engagement (CIRCLE) that “40 million Gen Zs … will be eligible to vote in 2024” — but of course, it’s just a major coincidence, you know.

“U.S. teen fatally shot in West Bank by Israeli forces, Palestinian officials say”

Just a quick FYI: It will remain under investigation until people forget about it or until IOF soldiers say it was a mistake. But I have a sincere question: IOF soldiers, there is no Hummus in the West Bank, why are you firing ammunition, to begin with?

“Netanyahu told Biden in private phone call he was not foreclosing the possibility of a Palestinian state in any form”

It is giving a toxic relationship at this point where the breakup should not happen just yet. Just insert an endearing adjective at the beginning, use the second-person pronoun, and use a manipulating tone of voice. You will get what I mean really quickly.

“At least 16 cemeteries in Gaza have been desecrated by Israeli forces, satellite imagery and videos reveal”

I do not know how far the insanity can go because they obviously know that cemeteries have corpses in them, dead people. They are this paranoid; they are double-checking if dead Palestinian corpses are actually dead, lest they get up and resist until it is a free Palestine.

“UAE Warns US Time Running Out to Avoid Wider Middle East Crisis”

UAE, are you just realizing that? We are already in the middle of a crisis that is enclosing almost the entire Middle East and Africa.

Since the vibe for this week is just unhinged, we are bringing our first Muslim Girl weekly roundup to a close for now. Keep your eyes peeled out for another roundup this upcoming Friday. (Hopefully, with some good news for once this year, for God’s sake.)

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